Lately I've been feeling these moments of fear/sadness about "when" the delays begin. I guess because Parker is no longer a "baby" at 5 months I've been "looking" for those signs of delay if that makes sense. Maybe it is a false sense of hope that Parker won't have any delays, maybe it is a hope that the test is wrong and this is all a bad dream. I remember my pediatrician saying at 6months you may begin to notice the delays, so as we approach that timeline the anxiety is creeping in. I've been thinking back to when the other kids were young trying desperately to remember when they sat up, stood up, walked,etc.. Some milestones I remember without fail. Taylor and Mallory walking on Mothers Day (Taylor at 11months and Mallory at 15 months). Never once did it worry me that they were "behind" their peers (or ahead for that matter). I hate that Parker has to endure "exercises" and "playtime" with purpose. He doesn't know any better, but I feel guilty if we don't exercise, stimulate, or stretch his mouth daily enough times. I wonder if his entire life will be spent around therapy of some kind? I hate that Satan robs me of the joy of just loving my son for the moment. I was looking back at my photos to see if I could remember when Madeline sat alone for the first time and found a picture. 7 months. "Good, I thought, 2more months, Parker will surely be able to sit by then." We have been working on standing, bearing weight on his legs which he tolerates well at this point, I wonder will he pull up at 10-12months? Will I always compare him to my other kids or will I one day accept him for his timeline for achievements?
What struck me was the resemblance between Parker and Madeline. I saw this early on when Parker was born, but these pictures show how much they do look alike. Someone told me that Parker has 1/3 of me, 1/3 of his Dad, and 1/3 of the "extra" which makes him more like us than the Ds. These pictures prove it! Madeline is so proud to say, "Parker looks like me Mom." I wonder when she gets older will she feel bad about saying that?
I know that God is still working on the "what for?" in me. As I always pray with the kids, "his mercy is new everyday and his grace is sufficient." Lord give me the peace that passes all understanding and the ability to trust you in all things.
"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded" Hebrews 10:35
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Enjoy him, help him reach his milestones when he is ready. Every child is different, down syndrome or not. They all have their own timeline. Don't seperate him so much from your other kids. He does look like them, he is their sibling, they have the same DNA. He is one of your children.
ReplyDeleteHe does look alot like his sister! And I think she will always be proud to say that. As for the delays, chances are they will be there in some way or another. My son is 18 months old and there are significant differences between what he and other kids his age can do. He's his own person with his own strengths and I am so proud of him for what he can do and feel fortunate to have his sweet, happy, loving self as part of our family. I don't spend nearly as much time doing therapy with him as I probably should....many days I don't do any at all. But, I feel there is importance in just "being." Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and take time just to enjoy Parker.
ReplyDeleteThink in terms of stage, not age and try hard not to compare. You will come to have great joy when milestones are reached :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd wow do they ever look alike!
I guess at this point I am not too concerned with when he will do certain things. My daughter who does not have ds was a late walker so she got me used to the idea of doing things at your own time. I panicked more with her I think. Now I am just so grateful for my son and the fact that he is here because we have faced our share of health concerns. I would say just try to enjoy him. Yes I do feel sometimes therapy is a lot...but that's where I get my help and motivation from too. Hope you feel better.
ReplyDeleteI think about the same things. It is amazing how Madeline and Parker look so alike in their baby pictures. You can get an idea of how Parker will look at Madeline's age (but in a boy way of course!:)).
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