Today our precious boy is four months old...what a journey..we can see a bit of the trees through the fog I am happy to say..hard to believe he is 4 months old already. I see why people kept saying, "relax, enjoy him being a baby!" I am already feeling I am losing that stage as he is growing and developing. Here is a list of things Parker is doing (for me to remember to document) at 4 months:
-talking, talking, talking (alright so it isn't words, but..) he is anxious to participate in any socialization going on in the house
-responds to his sisters, brother, other family members and reacts to them with excitement, anger, you name it!
-rolls side to side on back and over (front to back)
-sits independently in his Bumbo for about 5 minutes or so
-making sounds, "ma..ba..ooh..uh..ahh"
-reaches out to hit or grasp toys (still working on up grabbing)
-tracks things side to side with eyes
-responds (and LOVES) music
-opens mouth for spoon feeding (so far no cereal, but we are practicing with the spoon at therapy)
-a giggle! just starting, but a quick "ha!" comes out when you tickle him, this is new and such an exciting one for Mom and Dad
-grabbing things hand to mouth..EVERYTHING goes in his mouth
-smiling and just being genuinely CUTE and endearing :)
"flashes of sadness" I read this on another bloggers post and it was such a great description of how I feel. I am mostly out of the dark place of tears, sorrow, and depression that encompassed my first weeks after his diagnosis, but these "flashes of sadness" are fast and furious. It is strange what sets them off. This week it was the person at the drive thru window that had some sort of disability that helped me. Instead of celebrating this young man's abilities and independence, I felt discouraged. It happens at the grocery store when the sacker that sacks my groceries has a disability. It happens when I am helping my 2nd grader with her spelling words (I panic and think, "will Parker be able to spell?" I know the answer is a resounding YES!!!). It happens at the most random times and to the most random things..I read about the Duggar family with #19 on the way and none has disabilities and I am brought to tears..it happened yesterday at the visit to the Down syndrome clinic..the speech path talked about her 18 year old sister that has DS going to a vocational college and the 60 year old visitor with DS that came from Germany (and he flew alone) that is amazing and speaking to educational groups across the world..I know this is normal, but can't wait until these moments are not so "fast and furious" and they too become a more distant memory. The other thing is I feel "sad about being sad." The blogger was so right, the "sad about being sad." Geez, I know better, but they are still my feelings. My precious husband is so gracious to love me unconditionally and he wisely said, "you have to get that crying out." So, at 4months I realize God is giving me the strength to take it one day at a time, but he's still working on me! What I do know is that when these flashes of sadness come, all I have to do is look at this precious boy and his smiling face and it all seems OK. I love you Parker, more than you will ever know...
Anticipating God's best!