4 months old and Flashes of Sadness

Today our precious boy is four months old...what a journey..we can see a bit of the trees through the fog I am happy to say..hard to believe he is 4 months old already. I see why people kept saying, "relax, enjoy him being a baby!" I am already feeling I am losing that stage as he is growing and developing. Here is a list of things Parker is doing (for me to remember to document) at 4 months:

-talking, talking, talking (alright so it isn't words, but..) he is anxious to participate in any socialization going on in the house

-responds to his sisters, brother, other family members and reacts to them with excitement, anger, you name it!

-rolls side to side on back and over (front to back)

-sits independently in his Bumbo for about 5 minutes or so

-making sounds, "ma..ba..ooh..uh..ahh"

-reaches out to hit or grasp toys (still working on up grabbing)

-tracks things side to side with eyes

-responds (and LOVES) music

-opens mouth for spoon feeding (so far no cereal, but we are practicing with the spoon at therapy)

-a giggle! just starting, but a quick "ha!" comes out when you tickle him, this is new and such an exciting one for Mom and Dad

-grabbing things hand to mouth..EVERYTHING goes in his mouth

-smiling and just being genuinely CUTE and endearing :)

"flashes of sadness" I read this on another bloggers post and it was such a great description of how I feel. I am mostly out of the dark place of tears, sorrow, and depression that encompassed my first weeks after his diagnosis, but these "flashes of sadness" are fast and furious. It is strange what sets them off. This week it was the person at the drive thru window that had some sort of disability that helped me. Instead of celebrating this young man's abilities and independence, I felt discouraged. It happens at the grocery store when the sacker that sacks my groceries has a disability. It happens when I am helping my 2nd grader with her spelling words (I panic and think, "will Parker be able to spell?" I know the answer is a resounding YES!!!). It happens at the most random times and to the most random things..I read about the Duggar family with #19 on the way and none has disabilities and I am brought to tears..it happened yesterday at the visit to the Down syndrome clinic..the speech path talked about her 18 year old sister that has DS going to a vocational college and the 60 year old visitor with DS that came from Germany (and he flew alone) that is amazing and speaking to educational groups across the world..I know this is normal, but can't wait until these moments are not so "fast and furious" and they too become a more distant memory. The other thing is I feel "sad about being sad." The blogger was so right, the "sad about being sad." Geez, I know better, but they are still my feelings. My precious husband is so gracious to love me unconditionally and he wisely said, "you have to get that crying out." So, at 4months I realize God is giving me the strength to take it one day at a time, but he's still working on me! What I do know is that when these flashes of sadness come, all I have to do is look at this precious boy and his smiling face and it all seems OK. I love you Parker, more than you will ever know...

Anticipating God's best!

He is With You

The Lord speaks to us in many ways..heard this song today on the radio at the perfect moment and it brought me to tears. Listen or read and enjoy, may you be blessed! Be sure to mute my playlist first before playing the link

He is With You by Mandisa

http://www.wayango.com/mandisa-he-is-with-you-track/

HE IS WITH YOU

There’s a time to live

And a time to die

There’s a time to laugh

And a time to cry

There’s a time for war

And a time for peace

There’s a hand to hold In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead

And you can’t even get out of bed

Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore

He is with you when your baby’s gone

And your house is still, And your heart’s a stone

Cryin’ God, what’d You do that for

He is with you

There’s a time for yes

And a time for no

There’s a time to be angry

And a time to let it go

There is a time to run

And a time to face it

There is love to see you

Through all of this

He is with you in the conference room

When the world is coming down on you

And your wife and kids don’t know you anymore

He is with you in the ICU

When the doctors don’t know what to do

And it scares you to the core

He is with you

We may weep for a time

But joy will come in the morning

The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown

When there’s too much space

And you feel alone

And you’re worried if you got it right or wrong

Yes He is with you

when you’ve given up on ever finding your true love

Someone who feels like home

He is with you

When nothing else is left

And you take your final breath

He is with you

PS, I couldn't pick just one photo today..can you tell Parker gets lots of love at bedtime?

October 21, 2009..6 weeks and 2 days...

Parker is scheduled for surgery! There is a story here, one I can only contribute to the power of prayer and our biggest ADVOCATE, the Lord God Almighty. Last week, the nurse from the surgeon's office called to give me November 17th as a surgery date. Let's just say that didn't sit well with me, but what was I to do? Gee, the world reknown surgeon has to work around "my" schedule...anyways, I reacted in my typical fashion (instant anxiety), but after a few phone calls I gave it to the Lord. At 4pm, we received a call back from the nurse with a "cancellation" for October 21st. Now, that is one day before Madeline's 6th birthday and Aunt Tammy's actual birthday. As she put it, "I can think of no better present than to have Parker's heart repaired!" We will celebrate Madeline's birthday the weekend before and we have Miley Cyrus tickets the week before too, so we pray that we can have a birthday that "hits it out of the park" even if her actual "birthday day" might be a bit of a disappointment.

We still have not talked to the kids about surgery, so please keep us in your prayers for that timing as well as the preparation for surgery. We will take Parker the morning of the 20th at 8am, he will have a series of tests and we will be admitted that evening. Surgery will be first thing on the 21st. More details to come after we meet the surgeon on the 5th of October for our consult.

This week my devotions have again been about worry, so as we face the future I am trying to "unlearn" my worry..did you know worry's root meaning is "to choke or strangle" go figure..let's see if I can loosen the grip..

"Worry is something you learn to do.There is no such thing as a “born worrier.” It is a learned response to life. You learned to worry from two sources:

1. You learned to worry from experience. After years of mistakes, failures, and unfulfilled expectations, you’ve discovered that things don’t always turn out right. Out of these experiences you formed the habit of worrying.

2. You learned to worry from examples. There are many models around you. Studies show that children usually pick up their parent’s worries. Anxious parents raise anxious kids.Since worry is a learned response to life, it can be unlearned!

The starting point for overcoming worry is to realize it is useless. It does you no good to worry. It is “stewing without doing.” Worry has never changed anything. Worry cannot change the past. Worry cannot control the future. Worry only makes you miserable today.Worry has never solved a problem, never paid a bill, and never cured an illness. It only paralyzes you so you can’t work on the solution. Worry is like racing a car when its engine is in neutral; it doesn’t get you anywhere, it just uses up gas.

The Bible teaches, “An anxious heart weighs a man down” (Proverbs 12:25 NIV). On top of that, worry exaggerates the problem. It plays on your imagination. Have you ever noticed that when you worry about a problem it gets bigger? Every time you repeat if over and over in your mind you tend to add details, amplifying it so you feel worse.What’s the solution? Instead of worrying, talk to God about what’s worrying you. He is someone who can do something about it."

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Philippians 4:6–7 MSG).

PS the pic today is of Aunt Tammy and I at the hospital checking in for Parker's delivery :) and my 3D ultrasound that shows Parker fearfully and wonderfully made!

Be blessed! Lara

A Celebration!

Sunday was a time of great celebration in our house! All three of our oldest children were baptized showing their outward profession of faith that they are followers of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour! As parents Mike and I have a sense of security in their decisions knowing that no matter what life brings their eternal future is secured. We were humbled by the many numbers of people in the congregation standing to honor their relationship with our family. These people were Sunday school teachers, school teachers, AWANA teachers, Kids Choir teachers, friends, family, and relatives, all who have helped us shape and form Biblical values in our kids. I also thought of the people who had already joined the Lord in heaven that helped form these children. Their Great Grandma Dana was smiling from heaven and I could almost hear her voice joyfully praising their decisions. We anxiously await the day that Parker can make his own profession of faith and look forward to the day when we all will be healed and made perfect again!

Be blessed! Lara

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.Romans 10:8-10 (in Context) Romans 10 (Whole Chapter) For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."